Jurassic World: Dominion

I liked Jurassic World so, even though I was very underwhelmed by Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, I decided to conclude the trilogy by seeing Jurassic World: Dominion last night.  Unfortunately, I brought my sister and niece with me (and for that I am most profoundly sorry).  To say that the three of us hated it would be an understatement!  Four years after the events of Fallen Kingdom, humans are struggling to coexist with the dinosaurs that have reproduced and now roam the Earth.  Claire Dearing (Bryce Dallas Howard) and Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) are trying to protect as many dinosaurs as they can while keeping Maisie Lockwood (Isabella Sermon), the clone created by Hammond's business partner to replace his daughter, safe.  Dr. Lewis Dodgson (Campbell Scott), through his company Biosyn, has created a sanctuary for dinosaurs in order to study their genetic makeup for the benefit of mankind but he has much more nefarious intentions and employs mercenaries and black marketeers to capture the dinosaurs.  He masterminds the kidnapping of Maisie (for reasons) and a baby velociraptior being cared for by Owen so he and Claire attempt to rescue them.  Meanwhile, Dr. Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) has discovered that prehistoric locusts are destroying every crop except those genetically engineered by Biosyn and recruits Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neill) and Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) to help her find evidence.  After Claire and Owen make a detour to Malta where they are harassed by the mercenaries and black marketeers and then recruit a pilot for hire named Kayla Watts (DeWanda Wise), everyone ends up at the Biosyn headquarters to rescue Maisie (whose backstory is retconned to fit the new narrative), find evidence about the locusts, and fight a bunch of dinosaurs.  Are you confused?  This is a bloated and convoluted mess that doesn't make sense half the time and is boring the other half of the time.  It doubles down on everything I disliked about Fallen Kingdom and emphasizes the evils of genetic engineering and corporate greed rather the compelling story of how humans and dinosaurs would actually coexist (the ending where humans and dinosaurs have suddenly found a way to coexist is so convenient and unearned that I actually laughed out loud).  Much of the action is derivative and literally copies exact sequences in The Bourne Ultimatum (a chase on the rooftops of a Mediterranean city), Raiders of the Lost Ark (running through an underground tunnel with a torch and a fedora), and Skyfall (characters trapped in a fighting pit except with dinosaurs instead of a komodo dragon).  It was fun to see the original characters (Goldblum is probably the highlight) but there is absolutely no reason for Dr. Grant to be a part of the narrative other than for the nostalgia factor (and Neill is definitely phoning it in).  There are some fun sequences with the dinosaurs but they are few and far between (if you remove the dinosaurs the story would essentially remain the same) and the characters evade them so easily that it is almost laughable.  Let me echo Dr. Malcolm's sentiments when he says, "Jurassic World?  Not a fan."  Skip this and see Top Gun: Maverick again for a legacy sequel done well!